As I wait for my brother to give me the go ahead, I hope my mom doesn’t find out that I’m doing one of my favourite things about fall, jumping off my deck into a pile of leaves. I love fall because it’s that time of year when everything is changing.
The sweet summer leaves start to go from a lushes green to a vibrant orange. Cool shorts and T-shirts are replaced by bulky jackets and jeans that never keep out the cold. A plate of cold cuts and veggies which is my favourite summer food is now a big bowl of steaming soup that is always delicious. The pool has been drained and is half filled with a sea of yellows, reds, and oranges and every time you look at it you want to jump in. Every time we go to the hockey rink it’s so cold that my parents bundle themselves up with more layers than usual.
Fall is when I wear my soft, fuzzy flannel pjs which feels like a cloud made of silk, and I have about five of my warmest blankets wrapped around me until I feel like a burrito. Even when I have the heat on I still feel the cold creep up my spine like a spider and when it makes it’s way to my neck it runs straight through my body like a cold autumn wind.
There are so many days when you don’t even bother to take off your pjs and don’t have a care in the world about your hair looking like it was hit by a tornado. It is the endless hours of sitting by the fireplace, snuggled up in a blanket on the couch watching my favourite movies.
There are so many different things that make fall special and these are my favourite.
You have some good ideas in this piece of writing.Your lead is interesting and catches my attention.
As we learn how to create interest in our writing one of the common mistakes is to start writing in sentence fragments. Even though we want to include a variety of sentence lengths it is important to still have complete thoughts. Notice that I have added just a couple of words to some of your fragments to make them complete. These also are transition words as they help the reader see that you are moving from one idea to another. Please focus on this as you revise this piece of writing.
The sweet summer leaves start to go from a lushes green to a vibrant orange. Cool shorts and T-shirts are replaced by bulky jackets and jeans that never keep out the cold. A plate of cold cuts and veggies which is my favourite summer food is now a big bowl of steaming soup that is always delicious. The pool has been drained and is half filled with a sea of yellows, reds, and oranges and every time you look at it you want to jump in. Every time we go to the hockey rink it’s so cold that my parents bundle themselves up with more layers than usual.
Fall is when I wear my soft, fuzzy flannel pjs which feels like a cloud made of silk, and I have about five of my warmest blankets wrapped around me until I feel like a burrito. Even when I have the heat on I still feel the cold creep up my spine like a spider and when it makes it’s way to my neck it runs straight through my body like a cold autumn wind.
There are so many days when you don’t even bother to take off your pjs and don’t have a care in the world about your hair looking like it was hit by a tornado. It is the endless hours of sitting by the fireplace, snuggled up in a blanket on the couch watching my favourite movies.
There are so many different things that make fall special and these are my favourite.
You have some good ideas in this piece of writing.Your lead is interesting and catches my attention.
As we learn how to create interest in our writing one of the common mistakes is to start writing in sentence fragments. Even though we want to include a variety of sentence lengths it is important to still have complete thoughts. Notice that I have added just a couple of words to some of your fragments to make them complete. These also are transition words as they help the reader see that you are moving from one idea to another. Please focus on this as you revise this piece of writing.
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